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SUSAN NGUYEN

All the Good Womales are Gone

Have you ever before cried in the time of an intercheck out bereason you began talking around your household, or while serving tables in Virginia once a man’s hand also lands on your ass. Have you ever before had your boyfriend tell you he wanted to go celibate, which expected no kissing or holding hands, or ever been pulled over for tailgating a cop that referred to as you stupid, to which you agreed. Have you ever before been 9 weeks pregnant, badepend able to pay for your tiny apartment, and in search of something, anypoint, you don’t understand what, amiddle sites asking Where are all the good women? Why execute they sin? They’ll take your money and break your heart and also you think good however feel sick. The pill you order arrives in a yellow envelope. It looks prefer it came from someone’s basement, and also you cramp for days. The bleeding never stops, not prefer on your period. When you pull dvery own your underwear, a blood clot drops onto the bathroom floor of the gas station. This is as soon as you are driving west and also you ask your phone: Does coffee make anxiety worse? What are to-be verbs? How long will 18 mg of Adderall last? How to stop yourself from crying? Answer: distract yourself through pain. Sink your nails into your thighs. Slam your hand in a automobile door. Slap your jaw via a tightened fist and laugh at exactly how easy it used to be to make yourself cry on function. All you had actually to carry out was think around your dog dying sooner or later and currently you think about your dog dying 2 years ago and tright here is nothing. There is nothing till you leave the bathroom and also the man behind the counter says Slow down, child. At leastern buy yourself a pretzel melt first. Then, probably, tright here is somepoint.

I desire to break open the moment you shed your mommy your memories reduced open the day your blood soaked with onto the plastic chair in sex ed wbelow Anja sassist the vagina was self-cleaning an oven she witnessed it on Oprah you came residence and also your mommy bent you over put the tampon for you your body not yet yours artifact of pain budding weapon the never-healing wound

Museum of Menstruation

I.My aunt didn’t understand exactly how tampons operated. She was worried one would certainly take my cousin’s virginity. When she and also my mom were prospering up they provided cotton rags and also strips of linen folded over their underwear. These were left in a bucket overnight and also scrubbed the following morning– the climbed water puckered their skin, peeled their fingers.

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The morning I acquired my period, my mother didn’t believe me. She turned over and also fell earlier asleep. I provided rolled-up toilet paper for weeks until someday in the 6th grade my blood left a quarter-sized stain, a wetness on my fingers.

II. In the 1980s menstruation mystified NASA designers. They asked Sally Ride if 100 tampons would be sufficient for a week in space. During push conferences, she fielded questions around exactly how being weightmuch less in orlittle bit would influence her reproductive organs and also if she wept every time her uterine wall surfaces shed its inner linings.

Menstruation continued to be a secret to me for over half a decade. I’d lock myself in the bathroom for hours and also review the paper instructions that come through every box of tampons, still uncertain how and also wright here to insert one.

III. My aunt’s are afraid was misput. I shed my virginity to a actual flesh and also bone boy prior to any type of bullet of absorbent cotton or fabricated fibers ever before entered my body. I was drunk and on my duration. It was on the floor of a stranger’s living room and also it was dark. No one experienced the blood on the carpet until the next morning.

IV. One of my initially times remained in the woods squatted versus a tree. My friends and I were on the way to meet some older boys at the drops and also I placed the plastic applicator with vigor.

V. In high institution all the girls spoke in whispers, in code: shark week, crimchild wave, blood diamond, Aunt Flo.

Years later, I snuck tampons up my sleeve or beneath my bra’s underwire before walking previous all the males in my office.

VI. The gynecologist tells me I have actually too a lot estrogen– that’s why I bleed so much so frequently. Often twice a month.

See more: Why Is Your Nose In The Middle Of Your Face, Nose On Your Face Riddle

When I tell the 31-year-old I’m resting with that I’m bleeding, he tells me he doesn’t care. I make him cover his confront via a pillow while I tug at the knot in between my legs until I feel it offer means, my body letting go: kite string, lucky rabbit’s foot.

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Susan Nguyen hails from Virginia however currently resides in the desert, wbelow she is at work-related on her MFA in poetry at Arizona State University. Her job-related has actually formerly showed up in PANK and she freshly received a Global Teaching Fellowship from the Virginia G. Piper Center for Creative Writing.