There’s a reason it’s called a rebound: it never works out in the end. Take it from me — you’ll crash and burn in the time it takes you to say, “I’m totally over my ex!” Here’s why I regretted jumping into another relationship before I’d really moved on from my last one:
I hurt people around me.
It’s one thing to fall into a self-destructive pattern when you get your heart broken, but it’s a whole other thing to take other people down with you. I was a mess after my breakup; I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep (but boy, could I drink). I was grabbing onto anyone that might make me feel better. In the process of jumping into another serious relationship, I hurt my current guy, my ex-guy, and a lot of mutual friends.
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I hurt myself.
I couldn’t get my act together. I thought my self-destructive patterns would make me feel better, but in the long run, they only made me feel more depressed. I needed to feel loved, adored and attractive, but the only one who can validate my existence is me. And in the end, after everything blew up in my face, I just felt even worse because of all the destruction I’ had caused.
I ruined something that had potential.
It was evident I wasn’t over my last relationship, especially to the guy I started dating next. Not long after it started, my new relationship began to crumble. I wish I could’ve saved it, but at the time I was a mess, mentally and emotionally. One of my biggest regrets will always be ruining something that had incredible potential. Looking back, I know that timing screwed us and that what we had could have been amazing. I just couldn’t get out of my head.
I was selfish.
I’m the first to admit that I used my new relationship for my own agenda. I never thought I’d be someone who could do that, but love makes you do crazy things. I was selfish. I used someone else for my gain. I wanted to make my ex jealous. I wanted to feel good. And I ended up paying the price.
I projected my fears on my new relationship.
I came into my new relationship full of fresh wounds. Instead of waiting for those to heal, I just projected all my concerns about love onto my new guy. I was afraid of being left, so I clung on at any sight of hesitance from him. I was scared of being lied to again, so I refused to trust anything he said.
I still hadn’t forgiven my ex.
Believe me, it should be a rule that you need to forgive your past relationship before moving onto a new one. I had a distorted understanding of love — one that was angry, fearful, and possessive. I still couldn’t shake that perception, and I somehow managed to shape my new relationship to look just like my old one (somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy, am I right?).
I didn’t take the time to learn to be alone.
Figuring out how to be by yourself is crucial. Instead of taking the time I needed to learn to be okay on my own again, I used someone else to help me forget about my pain. What I should have done (and what I did for a long time after this catastrophe) is handle my own issues by myself.
I lost friends.
My ex and I had plenty of mutual friends (when I say that, I mean LITERALLY all of my friends were also his friends and vice versa). When we broke up, some of those friends decided to take sides. At the time, it was a very painful situation. Now I see that by me jumping into bed with another guy straight away, it was easy enough for someone to choose his side.
I took advantage of a good man.
My new relationship wasn’t great; it was unhealthy and toxic. But that was completely on me. As far as I’m concerned, he was perfect. He was funny, smart, cute and he liked me (of course, I couldn’t see any of that at the time). I took complete advantage of his good nature.
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I ruined any chance my ex and I had at another shot.
At the time, I would have done anything to have another chance with my ex. In fact, I thought by making him jealous he would realize what he was missing and give us another try. But the wounds I caused were too deep. Neither of us could move on from what I had done, so we never got our second chance.
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Piper Ryan Piper is a NYC-based writer who loves dogs, iced coffee, and calling people out on their BS.